Last words before death

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Forgive me for not portraying the best of me
Forgive me for being a disappointment
But I'm not sorry either
I'm not sorry for living my life to  the best of my knowledge because
The last time I checked nobody cared how I lived my life
I won't forget to let you know that I have a new hobby
A new way of spending my leisure and burying all the sorrows I was languishing in
I was a loner but now I have full-time companions,  a cigar in one hand and a bottle of liquor in the other
The joy I have with them knows no bounds
They have never betrayed me like you do and the moment I drink myself to stupor I get enough peace that nobody had to offer
The peace that is over the board
Y'all think I've gone berserk but noo,  my screaming hysterically shouldn't make you overthink
I swear to high heavens that whenever I visit my drinking spree I feel on top of the world and a cigar catalyzes the feeling by crowning me the best of you all
Let it be known that I didn't have otherwise
I have resigned to fate.
@Keziah

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